


Salvation

by IllestRin



Category: Pierrot (Band)
Genre: Infidelity, M/M, Sibling Incest, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24423142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllestRin/pseuds/IllestRin
Summary: Kirito sits in the rain and comes to a decision.
Relationships: Kirito/Kohta (Pierrot | Angelo)
Kudos: 3





	Salvation

**Author's Note:**

> This was written October 27th, 2005 when I was homeless and going through a rough time in my life. 
> 
> I went and obtained this from my old LJ community and I was surprised it still existed.

It was dark, cold, and rainy, as the worst nights usually were. That didn't bother Kirito though, sitting on the near freezing pavement, sheltered from the gentle downpour by only a small overhang next to his apaato. The cold, the wind, and even the continuous rainfall didn't really matter to him, the turmoil going on just inside his head was far more damaging than the current weather.

Kohta had left their shared apaato earlier that night, as he always did. He wouldn't be back until sometime before dawn, excuses tumbling from those perfect lips. The same excuses Kirito heard from his brother day in and day out. And he would forgive him. Forgive him for leaving, forgive him for hurting him, forgive him for betraying him. It would never happen again, he said. And Kirito would take Kohta into his arms and forgive him for all of the things he already knew would take place the following day. But what more could he do? He couldn't turn Kohta away, he wasn't that strong. Kirito had never been strong. The reason they were together was because he wasn't strong enough to stop it. So the vicious cycle would continue, destroying Kirito a little more each day.

And so Kirito sat there, barely sheltered from the storm. He took another long drag from the cigarette he held between two fingers, letting the sharp smoke fill his lungs before gently exhaling. Kirito watched the wisps of smoke furl away into the sky, before another small gust of wind destroyed the scene before him. Kirito just closed his eyes, trying to stop the painful images from flashing through his head. Of a time when he was happy, wasn't alone in his pain, didn't hate his life, didn't hate his existence. A time, not too long ago, when he didn't have to deal with.... *this*. Didn't have to deal with the pain his little brother brought to him on a daily basis. The happy memories were just a painful reminder that his life would never be that good again.

The other bandmembers didn't have a clue, not a single clue, that their vocalist, one who was such a perfectionist, an absolute control-freak, was himself, being controlled. By one man they all knew well, one so apparently innocent. If only they knew. But Kirito wasn't about to let them in on the endless turmoil that gripped him like a vice. They were none the wiser.

Because it was at night, when he was alone with his pain, that the demons came out to play.

He got no sleep at night anymore, thanks to this. Kirito even had to invest in some strong sleeping pills a few weeks ago just so he could get a few hours of sleep at night anymore. But tonight, tonight he didn't want to sleep.

Kirito flicked the still burning cigarette butt away from him, watching it roll to a stop, the red tip fading almost instantly from the rain. He sighed before he pulled his pack from a pocket in the thin jacket he was wearing. Placing a filter between his lips he flicked his lighter a few times trying to shield the flame from the protesting wind. Finally getting a light he inhaled and relaxed a little. This addiction, it was a bad thing to have, especially for his voice. But right now, it was all he had. When his world was falling apart on a nightly basis, it was all he had to keep him sane.

It wasn't always like this, it wasn't. He was once happy having a relationship with his brother, he felt... complete. But that feeling didn't last for more than a few months.

That was when *this* started happening. When Kohta would leave, and go into the arms, and bed, of another. And return in the morning and try to explain that he couldn't help it, that he really *did* love Kirito, and he was sorry, and he wouldn't ever leave again. Back then it was only maybe once a month, then once a week, now, every single night. Kirito wasn't sure how much longer he could do this. It was killing him slowly, with each passing night. His music no longer brought him happiness, the far reaching sky no longer brought him peace, his stories. They were nothing but empty words now. Kirito could no longer soothe the masses with just a few simple spoken words. He was useless to the band he nursed these last many years, he was useless to the world.

Kirito took one last drag on the cigarette he was holding, before flicking it out into the rain to join the many scattered butts on the pavement. He again watched the red glow before it dimmed within seconds, the downpour ending the fire. It was almost fascinating. Something burning so brightly could come to an end that quickly.

He stood up slowly, becoming a little dizzy. Not eating for the past few days was beginning to take its toll on him. Kirito knew that his brother had no idea what poor condition the former was in. Not like he would give a damn even if he did know, he thought sadly. Kirito hadn't seen the other three members of Pierrot for at least a few weeks, so they had no clue either. It was best that he kept his distance from them. They were so much better off that way.

Stepping forward Kirito came to a stop under the rainfall, letting it saturate his being. His hair slicked to the sides of his face, his clothes becoming a bit heavier. Raising his face to the pitch black heaven above him,is life to come to an end, as quickly as the cigarette met its fate under the same downpour just moments earlier.

Thinking of something, Kirito made his way back inside his apaato as quickly as his weakened body would let him. Heading directly for the small kitchen he got himself a glass of water and set it on the counter. Opening the cupboard next to the sink he drew out various kinds of pill bottles, setting them down for a moment before grabbing a second glass. His bottle of sleeping pills, barely a fourth used, went into the empty glass first. Then a few kinds of pain killers, and after that, whatever he could find. All went into the glass until nearly full. Kirito left the empty bottles on the counter, not caring to be neat for once in his life. He grabbed both glasses and went back outside.

Kirito stood in the spot where he had previously sat, a glass in each hand. He loved Kohta, more than life itself, but... he could not go through yet another day of this. Living life this way was the most painful thing Kirito had ever faced in his entire existence. The pain was unbearable after all this time.

Finally... Finally, Kirito thought, this can come to an end.

Kirito raised the glass of assorted pills to his lips and let the small capsules and tablets fill his mouth before repeating the action with the glass of water, the handful of pills slipping down his throat with ease. Kirito continued until the glass containing the deadly combination of pills became empty. He set the glasses down on the pavement and again walked into the rain.

The drops of water falling from the darkened sky hit against his weak, cold body harder than before. He tilted his head back and gazed into the starless abyss, outstretching his arms towards the murky darkness above him, his salvation. Kirito felt himself smile, the first to grace his face in what felt like forever. The rain continued to fall even harder, sharp pricks against his face.

After just a few minutes Kirito could feel his heart beat nearly double in speed, the rhythm becoming very erratic. His body was growing weaker, he could feel it. Yes, take me from this nightmare, grant me peace again, Kirito spoke in his head, too weak to do much else. Kirito slowly sank to rest on his knees, unable to stand any longer. What he didn't quite expect was the sharp pain that lashed out through his body, strongest in his stomach. He quickly wrapped his arms around his midsection, bending over. Kirito's body shook violently with every wave of intense pain and nausea. But it was alright, he thought, it would be better soon. Still weakly holding onto his stomach, Kirito's body startled to lean to the side, before falling on the hard pavement, trying to curl into a fetal position with what little strength he had remaining.

And soon the shaking subsided, the pain finally gone. Kirito's body became completely relaxed and unmoving.

The rain continued to mercilessly fall down upon the world and the lifeless body that lay there under the unending black heavens above.


End file.
